On Her Own Terms

I’m not a big watcher-of-sports. I have many people in my life that love watching sports of any kind—in person, on TV or recaps; professional, college, or school-aged sports—and if I happen to be with them when that’s what they’re up for, I’m fine with it…enjoy it, actually, in small doses now and then. This is especially true when I’m with someone who’s INTO it (or when my kids played sports), so I can experience the event through their passionate lens, a bit. I piggy back on their passion 🙂
With that as the backdrop…

Suddenly, I was VERY interested

Last week, I was at the dentist getting my semi-annual cleaning. I experienced some “small t” dental trauma in my 20s and, until I found this dental office, going to the dentist was a solid struggle for me. I love the feeling of spiffed-up teeth, and also LOVE my dental hygienist, Trish. She’s the “total package” in her profession; and a lovely human, to boot. (My dentist is awesome too, but Trish is center stage for this story.)

She casually asked me if I’d been watching the Olympics. I told her I had just found out a few days ago that the Olympics were actually happening. She didn’t miss a beat. No “WHAT?!?! How can you not be watching the Olympics?!?” Instead of shaming me for not liking what she likes, or treating me like a social/cultural aberration—she said something that related the Olympics to me, personally.
(Emotional intelligence, in action.)

And the second I got back to my home office, I used the 23 minutes before my next coaching client to (twice) watch Alysa Lui win the gold. I’ve watched it three more times since.

What did Trish say that got me so interested?

She knows I’m interested in people and their evolution. What makes us tick? What helps us evolve? How does the person in question move through the world? What is their planetary ripple effect? Trish said (paraphrasing), “When you get home, watch her gold medal skate on YouTube. At 20 years old, she’s come back to figure skating to do it on her own terms. She’s like no skater I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen such JOY in an Olympic competitor. You’ll love her!”

Instead of “you had me at hello,” it was “you had me at ‘on her own terms.’”

Liu’s Backstory

It’s likely that you know her story, but just in case you aren’t AAtO (All About the Olympics), here are the Spark Notes:

Alysa Liu’s rise in figure skating started as a classic prodigy story—youngest U.S. national champion at 13, Olympic competitor, World medalist—driven by relentless technical mastery and the accompanying external expectations and pressure from the adults around her. Then, at the height of her success, she stepped away. Not because she couldn’t win, but because the way she was winning no longer fit who she was becoming. I can only imagine the kerfuffle she likely faced from the people around her. But step away, she did.

Two years later, she was inspired by a skiing trip that brought back that familiar adrenaline rush of competition and excellence. She returned to skating. The jumps were still there—but her energy was different: self-led, spacious, fully-owned. Being clear to those around her that “No one is going to starve me or tell me what I can and can’t eat.” Healthy boundaries and self-possession, at age 18.

In the space that followed, she returned on her own terms, rediscovering skating as choice, creativity, and joy. Her Olympic gold wasn’t just a victory of results; it was a victory of relationship to the work and to her relationship to herself. Alysa’s journey reminds us that sustainable excellence isn’t about what we achieve, but how we inhabit the path that gets us there.

Everything about her in that skate…

• Her technical excellence, creativity and power
• Her self-possession, joyful energy and genuine smile
• Her self-expressive hair and piercings (no tight chignon for her!)
• Her strong, un-starved body
• Her glowing, un-starved spirit

One of the commentators said it beautifully, “It’s like she’s playing on the ice out there! The joy, the passion. She’s figured out how to compete without carrying the weight of it.”

Mic drop.

Lui reclaimed her capacity as a competitor by getting clear on how she would think, relate, act and skate. She’d come to understand that becoming the most able, powerful and aligned version of ourselves is an inside job. I thought to myself, “This young woman is the poster child for Reclaiming Capacity.” That’s exactly what she did, in her own way: reclaimed her capacity and alignment.

As an athlete, and as a human.

Putting the weight down

So here’s the question I’ve been sitting with since that moment in the dental chair, since my fifth replay of that luminous skate, since the commentator’s words that I can still feel in my body:

Where in our life or business are we still “carrying the weight of it?”

Not because you’re doing it wrong.
Not because you’re incapable.
But because the way you’re doing it no longer matches who you’re becoming.

Reclaiming Capacity isn’t about adding more discipline, better systems, or pushing yourself harder. It’s the inside job Alysa showed us so clearly. Changing relationship to life—work, relationships, parenting, passion projects, etc—so your energy, your voice, your choices, and your leadership are fully your own. From that place, the same actions feel different. They become spacious. Sustainable. Even joyful, while also carrying incredible power, for good.

If you’re feeling the nudge to explore what “on your own terms” could look like for you, this is exactly the work I do with my private clients.

A quiet, powerful, and deeply personalized process of coming back into right relationship with how you move through your world.

No pressure.
No performance.
No judgement.

Just the possibility of carrying less weight — and becoming more yourself in the process.

If that’s calling to you—or someone dear to you—you know how to find me.

P.S. If this stirred something in you, I’d genuinely love to hear — where are you craving “on your own terms” right now? Pop in on the comment section below!

To your capacity & alignment,
Laurie