Healing the election divide

As we move into the holidays—a season often accompanied by parties and family gatherings—I’m sharing some thoughts on our current U.S. political landscape and accompanying agida. Please note that I won’t be sharing any political viewpoints, but instead thoughts around Mind Savvy® (tending our mind), mindful relating, and accompanying perspectives that one might consider. Wrapping up with some tools you can use to better enjoy your holiday conversations.

The goal is to help you have better holidays, better relationships, and feel confident that…especially if you’re willing to play the long game…America is a country worth standing behind.

This love note was particularly hard for me to write. I realize that I may get my first professional hate mail from this blog. However. Although it feels scary to offer another, potentially-unpopular, way of looking at things, I’ve really been doing that my entire career. (or life, as my mom or sisters might tell it)

In an unusual move, especially for a topic that’s so heated, I have edited very little. Not because it doesn’t need editing, but I don’t want to “smooth out” or “soften” my message. I want to leave it a bit raw, for the reasons of authenticity and vulnerability.
So, here goes…

Elections

Out of the gate. I’m registered as an Independent, and it annoys me that I have to switch “my label” back after every election. I’m not a democrat or a republican, I’m an American, through and through. I love America, and I believe that there’s both truth and BS in the rhetoric, policies and motivations of both the democratic and republican parties. There’s a reason why we call someone a “politician” if we don’t trust them and/or sense that they’re talking out of both sides of their mouth! It goes with the territory, unfortunately.

“The trouble is, Harry; those who are best suited for power are also the least likely to pursue it.”
-Dumbledore to Harry Potter (Paraphrased from memory. Yes, I’m a huge fan.)

There have been 60 presidential elections in the 236-ish years of our voting history as a country. I’ve voted at every one of the eleven elections that I’ve been legal for, and I love voting. I love that I GET TO vote. Even if the candidate I vote for doesn’t win, I like knowing that the democratic process we set up hundreds of years ago still works. My personal policy has always been that once We the People elect a president, I get behind(ish) the chosen candidate. (Reserving the right to complain a bit, of course.) You can’t win ‘em all, as they say. And that cheeky saying is actually key, after the election results are in.
Basically for one reason:

It’s painful to argue with reality.

Once We the People vote, we have a new president. And here’s the scoop: Since the US of A is a two-party democracy, at every presidential election roughly half the population is going to be disappointed. This isn’t a surprise, but people still seem to be surprised. And angry. And upset.

Again, we live in a democracy (thankfully) and there are so many checks and balances set up in our carefully-crafted balance of power. This has worked in our favor for a very long time. This upcoming 2024-8 presidential period is a measly 1.7% of the life of our country! A drop in the bucket. Will any one of us like everything that happens in those four years? Unlikely, no matter who you wanted for president.

And. If both “sides” continue to tear at each other they way they do, we may lose the America that we love. And that would be sad. In a word? We are the UNITED States of America. United we stand and divided we WILL fall. No joke. If you look at history, dividing people is a great way to get control. And BOTH “sides” are currently contributing to creating division. Every time we call someone—or think of someone as—a “Trumper,” a “bleeding liberal,” et cetra, we, personally, are fanning the flames of division.

More instructive (and interesting)

At the end of the day, I believe that the majority of Americans are decent folks who simply want what’s best for themselves, their families, personal freedoms and rights, and their country. Sounds pretty good and legit, but there are some tripping points, including:

• we can rarely “have it all”
• there are different ways to walk that American journey
• each of us has different policy platforms that currently feel most important to us
• many of us are living in our own echo chamber, which is surreptitiously aided by social media

Because we live in a free country, we get to think and express whatever we like. And the truth is, unless you have an open-minded conversation with someone about what’s important to them for our country, you’ve only “read the headline.” Which, as we all know, can be deeply misleading. But many people *act* like they learned something very important about you by learning who you voted for. I completely disagree with this approach.

I find it more instructive (and interesting) to learn WHY people voted the way they did, versus HOW they voted. You telling me that you voted for Harris or Trump tells me nothing about you, other than naming the candidate you chose…out of only two real choices, mind you…in an election. There’s a lot more to you than that.

I suggest we all avoid the witch hunt mentality. I implore that we stop painting people all one color based on one tiny datapoint. Be curious, kind and open-minded. If you ask people who they voted for, maybe don’t be looking for validation of your relationship with them. If their answer triggers you for some reason, ask them why they voted the way they did and then listen with an open mind. Without arguing or educating them on how wrong they are. Listen as if this other whole, complex human being might have something to teach you. It’s the only way we remain open, smarter and evolving…together.

Because in most cases, it’s less about the situation, and more about how people ACT in the situation and how they treat others in the situation. One person can’t polarize the United States. We’re polarizing it ourselves with our righteousness and our closed minds. It’s the seemingly “opposing sides” that create the polarization.

Navigating Tricky Conversations

You can learn more about how to navigate tricky conversations and DEpolarize in THIS 2022 blog post. One of my top 5 most read and shared blogs of all time, it offers 6 mantras and 6 tools that can help you navigate this current political environment. Plus, if you end up in a politically-charged conversation that’s going off the rails, here are 3 additional up-front tactics that can take some air out of the tires. The 2022 depolarization blog provides even more mindsets and tools to keep your holidays (aka: your mind) happy!

1. Breathe like you mean it!
Slow and deepen your breathing to pull you out of your amygdala (the threat detector near the base of our brain), and back into your frontal lobe (the part of your brain where social skills and executive functions like reasoning, judgement and emotional regulation are handled). You should be able to feel your rib cage expanding and contracting when deep breathing.

2. Flex your curiosity muscle.
What if you endeavored to ask questions to learn more about someone’s thoughts? Maybe try on being more interested in WHY people voted the way they did, instead of HOW they voted.

3. Don’t debate opinions. Instead, discuss concerns.
When we enter into conversations as debates, we often feel there is one right answer (ours) and thus two (or more) people end up just spewing opinions and righteous barbs at each other. Nothing positive happens in these situations and people keep getting more jacked up and angry. Which is odd because a main point of a two-party democracy is that we recognize that there are two key solid ways to run this country. And that part of what *works* in that democracy is that we switch back and forth between the parties for our presidents, over hundreds of years.

Tools that we need now more than ever

You can learn more about both of these topics in my book Wild World, Joyful Heart. Chapter 7 on MIND and chapter 10 on MINDFUL RELATING are the deepest dives of the book, and also the two longest chapters. Why? Because our well-being, as a species, hinges on those two topics. Which is exactly why I felt moved to write to you, today.

As always, take what resonates for you in this love note, and leave behind what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to try some things that make you feel uncomfortable. If you get into hot water while efforting to be the best version of you, then so be it. You can sleep soundly, knowing that you were looking to connect, understand and…maybe still…agree to disagree. Knowing that you were centered in your heart, not your amygdala.

To your empowered well-being,
Laurie