Have you ever noticed how the simple mention of a word can excite you? There are always exceptions, but words like vacation, ice cream and music will grab most anyone’s attention. Something in us responds before we’ve even taken time to think about it.
Why is that?
Words connect with us in different ways. There’s the sound or look of a word; the meaning of it; and the associations we have with it. “Ice cream” tends to win in all three. (“Blob”…less so.)
Then there are words that have a smaller fan base, but light you up. For me, one of those words is “pattern.” I love the word itself, and I love what it represents. Patterns are everywhere. The turn of the seasons. The sand pattern left behind from a receding tide. The pattern that pedestrians follow on a busy city sidewalk. Snowflake patterns.
And, perhaps most interesting of all, patterns in the way humans live and work.
Insides, Outsides and Pressure
I was talking with a client recently…let’s call her Caroline…who said something I hear more often than you might think:
“I’m doing so many things right… and yet I still feel exhausted, fragmented and behind.”
Caroline eats well, exercises, meditates, is organized, and shows up for both work and family. And yet, she struggles with low energy, poor focus, and a constant sense of being on a treadmill.
When this happens, the common response is to try harder. To do even more of the “right” things. Which often creates a cycle that feels both exhausting and inescapable.
Underneath it sits a frustration-charged question:
“What the #$*& am I doing wrong?!?”
….often followed by…
“Why do other people seem to have this figured out?”
If you recognize yourself in Caroline’s quandary, you’re not alone. In fact, this has become a very common pattern. From the outside, someone like her looks capable, successful, and on top of things.
On the inside, it can feel very different.
Part of the challenge is that we tend to compare our insides to other people’s outsides. And in many environments — especially at work — there’s an unspoken expectation to continually handle more while never letting on when it’s too much.
So the gap widens.
You don’t have to be a C-suite executive to feel tired, distracted and frustrated. Reduced capacity doesn’t discriminate based on occupation, race, education, gender or age. I’ve seen it across every kind of work — from corporate leadership to restaurant staff, from classrooms to construction sites, from parenthood to college students.
And everyone in between.
We’ve come to equate work with pressure — maybe even viewing pressure as a sign that we’re doing something right! But if we look closely, “pressure” in this context often means carrying more than we have the capacity to hold. And people don’t do their best thinking, leading, or relating from a place of ongoing strain.
Rowing, Bailing and What’s Underneath
So what’s actually happening here?
When someone is making an effort to reduce stress and still feels depleted, it’s often not about effort. It’s about conditions — the internal conditions shaping how they think, respond, make decisions, and move through their day.
These conditions influence everything from focus and energy to emotional regulation and decision-making. In a workplace setting, they also shape how we lead, collaborate, and perform under pressure.
Consider a rowboat.
From the outside, everything looks intact. But inside, there may be small leaks. Nothing dramatic — just enough to require constant effort to stay afloat.
So you keep rowing.
And bailing.
And rowing some more.
Adding more tasks — even helpful ones — doesn’t fix the leak. It simply gives you more to manage while the underlying pattern continues. More rowing, bailing and changing course.
Each of us has our own version of this. Because while human patterns share common threads, they’re never identical. Which is why one-size-fits-all advice — eat better, sleep better, meditate more — often falls short of creating lasting change. They can actually end up adding to the load, without changing the conditions underneath it.
We explore this often in my work — not just what people are doing, but the conditions that shape how they’re doing it, and how they feel doing it.
Great news? If you’re doing a lot of things that should support you, and something still feels off, it may not be a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It may instead be a sign that something deeper is asking for your attention.
So I’ll leave you with this:
If your effort and the resulting experience feel off…
what might that be pointing to?
And where might you turn your attention —
not to do more,
but to understand your own patterns more clearly?
Would love to hear from you in the comments below.
To your capacity & alignment,
Laurie
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