Arguing with Reality

Ever noticed that things sometimes come in waves?

Last week, many of my coaching clients found themselves in a stuck place with their relationship to their body. Maybe it’s because spring is on deck and people are ready to be out and about more. Maybe something else. But in each case, at least one of these was present:

• navigating health challenges
• noticing age-related changes
• feeling frustrated with body fat that…just. won’t. budge.

Human beings are wired to prefer sameness and predictability. A brain processing an enormous volume of input leans toward efficiency, safety, and cohesion.

Which means we don’t love change. And we definitely prefer ease over challenge. And yet, change is inherent in everything; so we often find ourselves doing something subtle, but exhausting:

arguing with reality

Reality may always wins that argument, but we’re always at choice in how we respond. I had the “opportunity” (wink, wink) to work with this myself over the weekend.

Not the señorita dress!

 Like many people aged 40+, my body has its challenges:

• A genetic predisposition to high blood sugar
• A lifelong HSD (hypermobility spectrum disorder), currently flaring
• Advanced arthritis in my neck
• And, in the last two years, a stubborn 7 pounds on my midsection that refuses to budge

The first is manageable, and honestly keeps my food choices on track. The middle two are uncomfortable, but also encourage me to care for my body well. But the extra body fat?

That one has been hard to make peace with, despite its relative insignificance compared to the other three. I’ve spent decades creating the conditions for a healthy, right-sized (for me) body. Enter expectations… which can be tricky companions. And if I’m honest, I don’t love how I feel in this new version of my body.

There’s also the practical side of health challenges…they can be expensive! Between therapies for HSD and arthritis, and this weekend’s wardrobe cleansing— 112 items that likely won’t fit again — it adds up.

And while I’m a natural-look gal, I love fun and expressive clothes. Seeing my flower jeans and my 22-yr-old “señorita dress” (named by my late father) in that pile… got to me. Standing there, I felt sad.

And, if I’m being honest, a little defeated. Change can feel hard. And yet…

Suffering is optional.

Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional. It’s painful — and ultimately futile — to argue with the fluid, ever-changing nature of life. Still, we do it. Over and over and OVER.

We resist discomfort.
We cling to what was.
We want things to be different than they are.

This weekend, I again found myself asking:
Will I meet this with resistance…or with curiosity?
Will I let this close me…or open me?

It’s humbling to notice where we argue with reality — and in doing so, create our own suffering. It’s equally humbling to remember that much of what we experience isn’t personal. It’s simply life, unfolding.

And when that lands — not just intellectually, but deeply — something shifts. There is more space. More freedom. Even here — with my body and my closet — I can choose to work with life instead of against it. And I know, from years of practice, that when I stay engaged with curiosity and awareness, something on the other side becomes clearer, stronger, and wiser.

Life will continue to serve up reality. We can resist life, or we can meet it. Not just the parts we like. All of it. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stay with discomfort long enough for it to soften and teach us something. Discomfort and growth are often closely linked. This kind of engagement requires patience, courage, and grace.

Arguing with reality creates stress.

Here’s why this matters, on an even deeper level. Beyond the physical realities of our bodies, much of our suffering is created in the mind — in the gap between what is and what we believe should be.

We wait for lasting happiness.
Perfect health.
A body that behaves exactly as we’d like.

And when life doesn’t deliver that, we push against it. That push — that resistance — is a form of internal stress. Subtle yet powerful.

Chronic stress has a profound impact on the body; it:

• Disrupts digestion.
• Weakens immunity.
• Slows metabolism.
• Impairs cognitive function.
• Accelerates aging.
• Increases risk for a wide range of conditions — from cardiovascular disease to cancer, from infertility to anxiety.

In my earlier work in functional medicine and nutrition, I saw this again and again:

chronic stress sitting at the root of physical symptoms.

Which led me, as always, to the same two questions:
=> What is the root cause?
=> And how do we create foundational, lasting change?

Because many stress management approaches feel like bailing water from a boat…without addressing the hole in the boat. Helpful in some measure, yes. But incomplete. THIS is what led me to evolve my work. To shift the focus from the body alone to the conditions shaping our experience. To ask:

What if we could create the conditions in which chronic stress can’t take hold?

What if we could navigate real challenges — in our bodies, our work, our lives — while remaining present, aligned, and resourced?

So I’ll leave you with this:

Where might you be arguing with reality right now?
And what might shift if you softened your grip… just a little?

To your capacity & alignment,
Laurie