Happy fall! My not-so-humble opinion is that autumn in New England totally ROCKS, and the weather makes me so happy that I can barely stand it. Boom! That?s my #1 gratitude thought for the day.
In other news, CONGRATULATIONS to our fantabulous Fall 2017 Body Sass? Cleanse Group Program participants!! This team totally rocked it and I?ve received so many delightful and inspiring emails, texts, and FB posts from them. They?ve learned that it feels good to feel good, and how to move toward that feeling more often!
I was on the phone with a NEW YOU coaching client last week, and she had elected to join the group to complete her second Cleanse this year. She said it so well: ?I absolutely LOVE the way I feel during the Cleanse. It reminds me of what gives me more energy, better sleep, great mental focus, and helps the weight slide off. It REMINDS me to make choices because they make me feel good and happy and productive, not because I ?think I should.?? Well said!
?Well that?s all very interesting and exciting, and I think I might just do a Cleanse, but Laurie Warren, what?s with the weird title of this newsletter??
I?m so glad you asked 😉
As y?all know, I?m writing a book. It?s slow going, admittedly. It?s hard! Anyhoo, I was recently working on a section that talks about love, fear, and hate. And after I wrote the first draft, I thought ?Ya know what? My peeps may be well-served by pondering these musings NOW instead of next year when this sucker gets published.? I swear I run into a situation similar to the one that follows, almost daily.
This summer I was at a delightful small summer backyard party with some fab friends. One person, who was a new introduction for me, was triggered by something that someone said and WENT OFF for a very long time about a certain political happening. The disgust, judgement and unbridled HATE that emanated from her was actually palpable. I found myself trying to figure out a way to casually move to a safer-feeling distance, without completely abandoning her. I felt badly for her, because it seemed like these feelings were eating her from the inside. She seemed to be in pain.
Folks, here?s the deal. If hate is met with hate, then you simply have twice as much hate. And now the hate isn?t just outside you, it?s INside you. So far in this life, my experience is that 1 + 1 most often equals 2. If I add my hate into a situation that already has its own hateful volition, all I?ve done is make the problem worse. Even worse, this two-sided hate can actually feed on a back-and-forth, and through its ricocheting, it escalates and grows to 1+1+1+1?etc equals 27. This is demonstrated very clearly in the case of road rage. Being hateful about someone who is being hateful (stupid, inconsiderate, etc) doesn?t make that other person more loving (smart, considerate, well-behaved), and it doesn?t make you more loving, so what?s the point?
?Yes, Laurie Warren, but my hate is grounded in truth! This person/group is TERRIBLE, so I?m right to feel this way.?
First off, let?s just say you were right to feel hateful. Does it feel good? Is that the feeling you want to cling to? Would you wrap that feeling up and give it to a friend as a gift? This woman at the party was literally consumed with her own negativity. I had this incredible urge to hug her and stroke her hair and say ?there, there? quietly in her ear, but that would?ve been pretty weird, given that she was fuming, that we just met, and that we were both in bathing suits.
Secondly, I can guarantee you that the other side feels that they?re ?right,? too. Hitler thought he was right. Leaders of the apartheid thought they were right. A parent who abuses their child thinks they?re right. Meeting hate and dehumanization with hate and dehumanization, historically, has never gone well. It doesn?t go well anytime, anywhere. Behind hate and degradation is always fear. Ask a cornered mother bear (in fear) how she responds to aggression. She doubles-down on her aggression! On second thought, don?t ask her, because you won?t be here to answer my question!
What I?m not saying here, AT ALL, is to accept what may seem very wrong. Instead, if we remember that we?re all humans, that we?re all suffering in some way, and then we work to create mindful action and constructive conversation?this tends to get more positive traction. Is this easy? Nope. I struggle with it myself. Feeling rightful animosity about what we perceive is wrong is waaaayyyy easier than mindful engagement. However, I believe that mindful engagement is worth the effort?personally, communally, and globally.
If you think you?re too small to make a difference, and what does it matter if you sit in your little 1/7,400,000,000 of the world, fuming about some person or situation?I?ll share one of my favorite sayings with you, an African proverb. I think it especially resonates with me because I grew up in Maine, and spent many, many nights like this!..
?If you think you?re too small to make a difference,
try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito.?
I invite you to roll these musings around in your mind, and see what might resonate for you. Notice if these musings about hate make you angry 🙂 What?s underneath that?
And certainly don’t take my word for it! Try it out in your own life and see what happens.
And I?d love to hear from you in the comments below! Please feel welcome to share your thoughts, experience, and wisdom. We?re all in this together!
With love & simple math,